In this episode, I share my personal journey of becoming a mom to another cat—how my temporary fostering experience took an unexpected turn that led to adoption, and the lessons I learned along the way.
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I share this heartfelt story because it perfectly illustrates the gap between our desires and our capacity to receive them. It shows what capacity-based growth truly means and why it’s crucial for bringing our dreams into the physical world.
I share how I fell in love with my work even more deeply, and how capacity work tools helped me manage and increase my capacity to welcome my deepest heart’s desire—one I was afraid to claim.
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Today I want to share a deeply personal story about capacity-based growth and expansion. It’s both impactful and touching, and I believe it will illustrate an important lesson. This story perfectly demonstrates how deeply capacity work affects all areas of our lives. As I share this personal experience with you, I want to note that I’m still processing it, but feel called to share it nonetheless.
I share this heartfelt story because it perfectly illustrates the gap between our desires and our capacity to receive them. It shows what capacity-based growth truly means and why it’s crucial for bringing our dreams into the physical world.
The story context
Let me provide some context. This story revolves around my relationship with animals and my childhood dream of being surrounded by them. As a child, I had such a strong connection with animals that neighbors would come looking for their pets at my house, knowing they’d likely be with me. I was literally a magnet for animals, which we all found endearing. However, something changed when I witnessed how poorly we treat animals, nature, and ourselves. That shock led me to suppress my sensitive nature, and with it, my magical connection to animals.
I had a special ability to understand animals deeply—sometimes even hearing their thoughts and needs. At the time, I didn’t realize this gift was unique; it felt completely natural to me. But the trauma I experienced was so profound that I avoided having animals in my life for the next 20 years.
Though I longed to have a pet, I made excuses about traveling and career pursuits to avoid it. The trauma ran so deep that I even developed an allergy to cats. It wasn’t until I began reclaiming my extrasensory abilities—that most delicate, sensitive, and pure part of myself—that things began to change. The allergy was merely a trauma response, and now it’s gone. A few years ago, my natural connection with animals started returning. That deep-seated dream and desire I had repressed began surfacing again, though my mind kept pushing it to “someday.”
I dreamed of having a house full of animals, deeply connected with nature—living in a beautiful natural setting with different animals around me. I imagined myself like a nature goddess, moving in harmony with the animals around me.
How I was dreaming and feeling the desire
The universe heard me. Nature responded by saying, “You want it? Here it is. Your dream is here.” Over the past few years, cats started appearing at my door. First came Basil, my black cat, whom I rescued almost three years ago. A year later, Milo arrived at my doorstep, followed by Robert, a tiny turtle. My house is now full, and it feels like nature gives me a gift each year. I believe every animal who chooses to come to you brings a special gift.
Just as every person who enters our life brings a unique gift that enriches us, each of these animals has brought their own special energy. You can’t imagine how happy they’ve made me, each with their distinct personalities and ways of relating. Everyone who sees how I interact with my cats and turtle finds it inspiring.
In my mind, everything felt complete and perfect. I had created a beautiful daily rhythm where we all coexisted in harmony. Yet my heart kept dreaming of more.
I found myself watching cat videos—that’s all I do on social media, really—and I became fascinated by orange cats. They’re known for being both naughty and incredibly loving and social. Without even realizing it consciously, I found myself thinking how wonderful it would be to have one of these playful creatures in my life. I wanted to experience that unique energy and way of relating. But I tried to let the thought go, telling myself “maybe one day in the distant future.” Not now—I wasn’t ready, and I was still renting an apartment. I wasn’t living in the house I’d envisioned, but my heart kept dreaming. Every night, as I went to bed with my cats, I appreciated their wonderful way of respecting my space. They would sleep on either side of me, at arm’s length.
We maintained our connection while honoring our individuality—each of us had our own preferred spots to sleep and rest, yet we remained present with each other in perfect harmony. Still, I found myself yearning for one more cat, one who would be extremely cuddly and sleep right next to me.
These desires kept blooming in my heart, though not in any deliberate way. This wasn’t the kind of dreaming where you sit down and consciously plan your future. Instead, it emerged naturally, sparked by simple moments like lying in bed, watching my cats, and feeling that cozy contentment. And then, totally not logically, I was telling my friends, like, I feel the third cat is coming in my presence. Like, I feel the cat already. But I still didn’t allow myself to, consciously accept what’s happening. I was just vibing with that. Like, oh, it’s so, so nice. Oh, wouldn’t it be nice?
Preparing for my first foster mom experience
And then in one of the cat videos, I saw the concept of foster mom. And I’ve never heard that before. And foster mom is, um, mommy who takes the animals for care, temporary, till they find the forever home. And I thought, oh, maybe that’s what I’m feeling. Maybe That’s the role I want to try out. And there’s this animal shelter that I’m supporting very deeply. And the two girls that are running that shelter became really good friends of mine, so we’re in constant contact and they shared with them like, Oh, I really want to be foster mom, but I’m really afraid that I will not be able to let go. Like I will attach so deeply and, but maybe it’s nice to practice just love without attachment. love and focus on giving that being the best life, um, in the form that it needs most. And we all agreed that that’s my vulnerability that I probably, you know, will not be able to let go, but let’s think about it. And if situation happens that there is a kitten, especially the kittens who have abandonment trauma or a separation connection trauma, I would be so happy to have them at home and hold them and help them to heal because I’m working from home. And those kittens usually really need a lot of presence and attention, like you heal connection trauma experiencing the opposite. So experiencing a lot of connection, stability and presence instead of separation.
And we agreed on that. And we thought like, okay, let’s see what happens. Maybe we can try it out. And I really love how smart and really conscious, experienced, really nature and animal loving those friends of mine are from the animal shelter. So I kind of also trusted their guidance there to help me in this new role.
I didn’t expect my first fostering experience would happen so soon.
I was focusing on my business during this busy season, starting several new projects. Also, after discovering my magnesium levels were low, which affected my energy, I decided to prioritize both my health and business. I had found such a beautiful flow with my cats and turtle too. Everything felt perfectly balanced—I was exactly where I wanted to be. I knew my priorities and where to focus my energy. I was in such a good place when, unexpectedly, my friend posted about two kittens with a traumatic story.
I debated whether to share this in the podcast episode, but I believe in showing reality as it is in some countries, without sugarcoating.
These kittens, barely a few weeks old, were found in a box outside. They were discovered nearly frozen to death—their temperature was so low it didn’t even register on the thermometer. Though they were placed with a foster parent, they weren’t properly cared for. No one treated their parasites or fleas. The kittens hadn’t gained any weight in two weeks, which was deeply concerning.
When they arrived at my place, my body instantly knew—this was my calling to be a foster mom. It was a full-body “yes,” completely beyond logic. Though the timing wasn’t convenient, my heart wouldn’t let me abandon them. The shelter I support was full, and it was risky to bring in sick animals. When the previous foster person threatened to put them on the street if I didn’t take them, I knew I had to help.
So, the moment they reached me, they were about seven weeks old, which is way too early to be without mommy and to be not treated well, because their bodies were so, so weak. And I will never forget that moment. The minute they got out of their bag and they saw me, especially one of them, went straight to me, climbed on me and crashed to sleep. It’s like their body exhaled. Imagine how the nervous system was exhausted. That the moment they felt a little bit of safety, they literally crashed asleep in seconds. I will never forget this, it touched me so deeply. And we looked at each other with my friend and we were like: “it’s probably the first time in their life they felt safe”. Because every week they were thrown into different places with different person. They never had stability, they never had proper care, stable connection. And animals are so, so sensitive, they feel those things immediately.
I had to pause everything for a week to heal their bodies and nervous system.
And, and then those both kittens crawled on me, and they were on me all week. I couldn’t work all week and I could feel how just being in my presence and near my body how their nervous system is co regulating and how they need this to heal.
I could feel, I could sense how the body is healing and I got all the protocol from the vet how to treat them and um, how to take care of them. So I was like full on medical intensive care mode all week. But they got better. It was a boy and a girl, and they got better, and they started to be more playful, and, uh, we thought, okay, maybe it’s time for them to get now forever home.
We found this beautiful young couple—medical students—and I supported them through the process. I visited them a few times to help with the transition. It felt like such a beautiful experience as a foster mom. I was proud of succeeding in this role.
I had given my all, and by the end of the week, I was completely depleted. I had hardly slept while providing intensive care for these babies, so I was looking forward to finally getting proper rest. I did consider keeping them, but having four cats felt like too much. I still wanted to travel with my cats, and the number of pets would limit that. Meanwhile, something unexpected happened at home. My neighbor’s cat Oliver decided he belonged with us. Every morning when my neighbor let him out, he would run straight to our door and meow desperately, as if his life depended on it. I had no choice but to let him in—he was so determined. He communicated his desires so clearly that I couldn’t turn him away. I told my neighbor I would care for him like my own, providing food and attention. He and my cat Milo became best friends, so I decided to give him regular playtime with us. We worked out a co-parenting arrangement where he’d spend mornings with us and evenings with his family. But gradually, he wanted to stay longer and longer. I could sense that Oliver had some emotional needs. He craved my attention and began to soften in our home. He started refusing to leave, even when my neighbors came to get him at night.
Managing this situation while caring for the kittens became increasingly challenging. My own cats were showing signs of stress from all the changes. It was becoming overwhelming. I decided it would be best to let the kittens go to their new loving parents. I received many adoption requests, which surprised me. This experience helped me realize I had returned to that pure state from my childhood, when animals were naturally drawn to me like a magnet.
As an adult, though, I had to consider responsibilities and boundaries. I needed to balance caring for nature with taking care of myself and respecting my own capacity—doing what was best for everyone involved. Given all this, I decided giving the kittens their new home was the right choice.
My beautiful fostering mom lesson to love without attachment
When I said goodbye, I kissed them and looked into their eyes. “My gift to you is my love,” I told them. “Now you know how love feels, how human love feels. I loved you with all my heart during our time together. That’s my gift and purpose—to show you what love, care, and safety feel like.”
I don’t need to own you. I don’t need to be guardian of you. I just can love you and that’s enough. And I thought it’s so beautiful because it really initiated me to love without attachment. To love without the forms. Even my neighbor’s cat and these kittens. It’s like, love is love. And these beings also have a say. These beings also choose. And I thought this is such a beautiful experience, such a, with so many beautiful gifts and insights and enrichments that it gave me, the person that enabled me to be more loving, more like open, loving, without attachments, without the formats, just love. And I thought that was it.
I was very happy and content with this experience. And I thought, Yeah, I’m glad I did it.
But then, there was a huge twist in the story.
The twist I didn’t expect, that turned everything. I will never forget it was Friday 3 a. m. And I wake up at 3 a. m. And I don’t know why I was so anxious. And I start to eat, like, this emotional eating.
And I was like, what’s going on? Like, I don’t understand. Like, I, I realize it’s emotional eating. And I stayed with myself and I went to sleep. My phone is usually switched off at night. So I know, I, I I didn’t even consider to turn it on because I didn’t anticipate anything. But what happened that night at 3am, one of the kittens died.
And I went in complete shock. It brought me the, the biggest fear probably I’ve ever had is not being able to protect the life, the life of innocent. And I felt such a failure. I was crying all day without a stop. And though nature has its way, And those kittens were quite weak and this was very likely possibility and I was told these kind of kittens who were in these, born in these horrible circumstances and life conditions usually often die. I couldn’t stop blaming myself. My inner critic went probably the loudest and strongest I’ve ever had. And of course it did because this is something I deeply care about. As you know, my mission, my vision about the world, something I truly, truly care about is to help, to protect, to empower, to give the best life for the sensitive, pure, innocent beings in this world, humans, children, animals, nature, anything in that regard.
This struck right at my heart’s deepest pain. The kittens had been inseparable soulmates, and the surviving one—though stronger—was devastated by the loss. He went into hiding, stopped playing, and his health began to decline. Because I had developed such a wonderful relationship with the young couple, we had an honest discussion about the situation. With their upcoming exams and the kitten needing constant care and connection, we had to make a difficult decision. I knew my cats at home could help provide the companionship he was missing after losing his sister. It was beautiful to witness how maturely we all approached this—setting aside our own wants and focusing solely on what would be best for this precious little being.
We agreed that staying with me would be best for him.
Pumpkin returned home and I didn’t expect this reaction from him
When we met at the vet, his condition had worsened—his wounds were opening up, his nose was running, and he was sneezing. The vet prescribed antibiotics and other medications, and I brought him home. Though I was still processing everything and feeling overwhelmed, my instincts were crystal clear. My heart broke seeing the pain and heartache in his eyes—it was almost unbearable.
Despite feeling numb and overwhelmed, I brought him home, wanting to give myself space to breathe and process.
The moment he got out of his carrier, he recognized the space—the place where he’d first experienced love and safety. It was like when you revisit a place from childhood where you felt safe, free, and joyful—you instantly reconnect with those feelings. That’s what happened with Pumpkin, this tiny orange kitten. He started bouncing around like a little rabbit, exploring every corner with such happiness, as if saying “I’m home!” I didn’t know what I was going to do long-term, but I took it one step at a time—the best approach when feeling overwhelmed.
He wouldn’t leave my side, clinging to me for five straight hours. When I needed to collect a package downstairs, he refused to be put down, so I had to carry him with me. After eight hours, he finally started playing a bit. And then, within 24 hours, something remarkable happened. It was almost miraculous—his nose cleared up and his health improved so dramatically that we didn’t even need the antibiotics. He would look at me with the sweetest expression, with such awareness, as if to say “you are my person, my most precious thing in the world.”
He slept on me constantly, always with his head up, watching me—making sure I was still there. I could feel how much he needed that stable connection. So for another week, I gave him all the love, connection, and cuddles he needed. I decided to let him set the pace for becoming more independent, giving him everything I had.
My dream just came true but I didn’t have a capacity for it
Yet I felt torn—part of my heart knew this baby wasn’t going anywhere, while another part felt overwhelmed, confused, and stretched beyond my capacity. I started overthinking scenarios: Would my cats accept him? We were already such a tight family unit. He’s a ginger cat—would he be too energetic? Was my apartment suitable with its balconies? What would my landlord say? My mind spun these logical concerns and fears.
Looking back, I realize it was about my capacity to receive this gift, this dream, this pure being who had entered my life. As I watch him sleeping beside me now while I record this, he radiates pure innocence—if purity had a scent, it would be him.
I began to realize this was my ultimate dream coming true. Having him with us feels completely right, like he always belonged here. My heart has expanded. As I mentioned before, I’ve always dreamed of creating an animal sanctuary.
Yet when that dream starts manifesting—literally knocking at your door—we often sabotage ourselves. We say, “Oh, I’m not ready” or “Yes, but not now—sometime in the future.” We become oddly comfortable living with the lack of our desire rather than its fulfillment.
Being completely honest, I knew from the moment I first saw his picture that he would stay with us. Even before meeting him, I felt that connection, just as I had with all my cats. During that first week as his foster mom, our bond was so profound. I told myself it would be hard to let him go, but I should be strong and give him the best life possible—believing that four cats would be too much for me to handle.
I cannot handle this right now. I won’t be able to give them the attention they need, so I’m giving them the best life possible. Yet here was my dream right in front of me—my ultimate desire. The sweetest orange cat with so many gifts that I’d dreamed about just showed up at my door, literally in my lap, and even came back to me when I gave him away. It’s like that saying: what’s meant for you will not leave you.
It still took me another week to process this because this baby came with so many gifts, initiating me. Allowing myself to fully claim this desire—right now, not in five years, not when I have the perfect house with perfect conditions—was and is a huge process.
And Pumpkin turned out to be the sweetest boy ever. He’s the most loving, and my big boys accept him so lovingly. They treat him so gently, knowing he’s a baby who needs love and is scared. It’s the most beautiful thing to witness how my big boys—and they are really big cats—are helping me co-parent. Everything went smoother than I could have imagined.
Pumpkin is getting stronger by the day. He’s so happy, and I feel so happy, fulfilled, and complete. He helped me step into my mission and vision from an even deeper, more committed place in my heart. While holding him in my hands, I recorded this video and audio. You can check on my website or YouTube channel. There, you’ll find my vision of the world about soft power. But what’s the biggest takeaway? There are many which I won’t share in this recording, but my biggest takeaway from this story is the difference between the desire and your capacity to hold that desire.
That’s why I’m so passionate about capacity-based growth, because often we can have this beautiful desire in our ethereal realm, in our energetic ideas realm but when it comes to receiving it in the practical, material world, it really comes down to our capacity to receive, hold, and manage it. You may have a very clear desire and even tap into it deeply, you can feel it, sense it—it’s almost like you can reach that reality, that timeline behind the void, but it’s not quite there. But the real question is: do you have capacity? Does your body have capacity? Does your heart have capacity? Does your current identity have the capacity to receive that desire? That’s such a different story.
Your desire is not the same as your capacity for it.
That’s why I always say your desires can literally happen tomorrow. Your biggest dreams can happen tomorrow. But can you hold them? Can you really receive them without your nervous system shutting down or becoming numb? Without sabotaging them because they feel like a hot potato you just can’t hold? When it feels too much, too soon, too fast? Look at what I just did—it was so obvious.
It was right in front of me, literally dropping in my lap. Yet I still managed to sabotage it, give it away, push this dream away. It took me weeks to really embrace that maybe this dream isn’t far away. Maybe it’s not years from now—it wants to happen now. And maybe I have the capacity that I thought I didn’t.
Maybe I don’t need to be ready to receive my desires. Because honestly, I don’t think we ever are. When I think about all my big desires, my deep heart desires that I truly care about, when they start knocking on my door, I always feel a bit overwhelmed, a bit stretched. I never feel 100% ready. But what I love about my work—about soft power, capacity work, nervous system awareness and capacity—is that I have all the tools. Tools to build capacity, to catch up with the parts of myself that feel overwhelmed and not ready, faster, gentler, and with more ease, without creating detrimental outcomes or decisions because I lacked the capacity to manage or show up with this desire.
For those of you who don’t know, I’m from Lithuania originally. We have this beautiful saying—I won’t translate it exactly, but it goes something like this: Love doesn’t ask your name, if you’re ready, if it’s convenient, or how old you are. It just says, “I’m coming.” That’s how I feel about our desires.
Our desires are ours. If you have the capacity to dream it, you have the capacity to have it. It’s yours, it belongs to you, you’re already accessing it. And the true work, I’ve found, is preparing your capacity to really receive, handle, and manage the embodiment of that desire. So in capacity-based growth and expansion, you have to ask yourself—not “Why am I not there?” or “I didn’t achieve it.”
That’s your dysregulated nervous system talking. That’s your broken trust talking. In capacity-based growth, you have to ask yourself: Who do I need to become? How do I increase my capacity to welcome this desire into my life? Because it’s coming—I’m sure it’s coming, I know it’s coming.
Preparing capacity to receive or capacity based growth
How can I prepare my capacity to receive it with ease, with the ability to hold it, enjoy it, and stay open-hearted? How can I increase my capacity so my nervous system doesn’t crash, shut down, or sabotage this because it feels threatened or overwhelmed? Who do I need to become?
How do I prepare my life for it? My structures, my skills—whatever your desire is, it needs certain soil to land and thrive. So what soil do I need to prepare? Maybe I need to clarify the dream more. Maybe I need to do more research. What exactly do I want in the most perfect version?
Do I need to allow myself to dream more, or do I need to practically prepare? The dream is clear, and I just need to practically prepare for its embodiment. Where do I feel unworthy? Where do I feel not ready? What do I need to get ready? That’s all the work—that’s all you need to do to receive your desires with the capacity to hold them.
And maybe you know that at a certain point, you’ll never be as prepared as you want to be. Sometimes you just need to do it, go for it, say yes and stretch your capacity. But then you can ask yourself: What do I need? What support structures do I need when I tap into that desire, when I go for it practically? I will be overwhelmed.
I will be stretched. I will be initiated. So what can I do for myself? What support structures can I create so I can handle that process? So I can handle that initiation, go deeply into emotions, and go deeply into all kinds of purification and initiation that it brings? I’m held.
That’s also preparing your capacity. And actually, that’s all you need to do. That’s the main work—the capacity work—because your capacity work may influence how fast those desires knock on your door.
And the last thing I want to say, just as a disclaimer: any work you do with me, any donation you contribute, part of it always goes to support animals.
That’s something I deeply, deeply care about and give all my heart to. So your financial contribution isn’t only contributing to your own personal growth—it goes in very specific ways to protect and rescue animals, and to give them the best care, nourishment, development, and life they deserve.
So if you feel moved to support this podcast or this episode, or just to send a financial contribution, there’s a link in the footer of my website. This would go to support animals, and especially for these episodes about animals, I will donate 100 percent to animal care.
